Council of the New Gods

- Translation of @CM27874 post "Der Rat der Neuen Götter"

In honour of the recent elections: a translation of

cm27874

post "Der Rat der Neuen Götter".
==
The meeting of the Council of the New Gods was finally over. It would have gone quicker if Sustainability hadn't hijacked the agenda point “Any other business” to once again moan about the disposable drinking horns served at lunch. But now the room had largely emptied, most of the participants had moved downstairs to the bar to move on to the pleasant part of the event with nectar and ambrosia. Science, who as usual had to take care of the technical issues, stood at the lectern at the front copying the presentation slides into a shared folder in the cloud. Economy was clutching a flipchart and trying to draw a line from top left to bottom right, somehow repeatedly failing to join the dots. Democracy was still in its seat, brooding over its notebook.

“Hey, Demo, what's going on?” Economy called out, “Usually it's just Climate Change’s devotees getting glued to the spot!”

“I still have something to finish,” grumbled Democracy, “but after a day like this, all I can think about is that scandalous eurodance earworm, duh-dee-dee-duh (L’Amour Toujours). Tell me, what rhymes well with 'hate speech'?"

“Well, my favourite would be ‘market reach’,” replied Economy, “or maybe ‘precarious jobs’ - nevermind, that doesn’t really work. Why don't you just write 'hate thinking', it rhymes with ‘great drinking’, and that'll be our motto until demand in the bar exceeds supply."

Democracy didn't answer, so Economy turned to Science: “And you? Are you coming with us? But take off that lab coat first."

Science just looked up from its laptop for a moment: “No, thanks. That's too dumb for me. And rather a lab coat with some substance than an empty Armani suit."

“Buzzkill!” groaned Economy, “Almost as bad as Public Health, who only participates remotely anymore, and even then, always with a mask! I think you're just jealous because not as many youth are sacrificed to you as to myself or Democracy. Although – I am becoming a bit jealous of Climate Change."

“How many times do I have to say it, I want to be called ‘Our Democracy’,” protested Democracy, “my most zealous supporters are totally into that.”

“Is that so?”, marvelled Economy, “Our Democracy, who art in nation, hallowed be Thy name?”

“Exactly,” confirmed Democracy, “Thy elected come, Thy will be done, in the EU as it is at local level.”

“Got it,” grinned Economy, continuing, “give us this day our daily scandal, but do not cancel us, as we stigmatise others with guilt by association.”

"And lead us not into the opposition, but keep the wicked below 15 percent. For Thine is the election and the constitution, and the democratic parties, and the media and all that,” completed Democracy. “And now I'm actually ready to go for a drink.”

Economy and Democracy left the room in a good spirits. Science stayed behind alone and muttered to itself: “You’ve no idea how much you two get on my nerves. Just leave me out of your social experiments!"

Then Science hid a virus in the powerpoint slides. Anyone who opened the slides later would unknowingly cause recordings of the session to flood the internet. Unfortunately, none of the participants ever felt the need to look at the slides again after meetings. They just floated on secular waves of devotion from their believers, and whenever the surf subsided and one of the New Gods disappeared into the sea of insignificance, another quickly pushed to the top.